Depending on where you work, this post may not be safe for work. Well, the links, at the very least.

After my first day in Portland, on the ride back to the yurt, we passed by a small purple drive-up coffee shack on the side of the road. Zach pointed to it and told me that they make great coffee and that he and Nicole go there all the time.

The next morning, seeking coffee and being too afraid to use their coffee machine (that has been in a yurt with no running water since at least October), I asked whether I should go to the nearby purple coffee shack. Zach said yes, to not look them up on Google since they aren’t on the map, and that I should tell the barista that the “yurt people say hi”.

So off I go towards the city, to the purple espresso shack. A drive-in only, there were no other cars on the lot, save a Chevy Malibu that I assume belongs to the barista. Pulling up to the window and seeing the menu, I realize that something is not what I am expecting. The name of the enterprise is Sweet Seductions Espresso (formerly known as Mocharama until last week), and they serve special drinks such as the Three Legged Monkey, Eager Beaver, and Sugar Daddy. You can “ask your barista to make it an ALL NIGHTER” for an additional $1.10, which I assumed was another shot of espresso. There was also a sign for “Red Bull infusions”, which I declined to ask about.

A few years ago, when lost my nightly Wikipedia black hole, I came across the bikini barista page. It’s a concept that developed in the Pacific Northwest, not far from Seattle. In the years that passed, I had forgotten that they can be identified by the small, drive-thru only building. Also known as a sexpresso or bareista, it’s basically what you would expect from a drive-thru coffeehouse, except the baristas are attractive young women dressed in bikinis (or less, in some locations on “topless Tuesdays”).

A few seconds after I pulled up, a barista approached the window. Erika was not wearing a bikini quite as risqué as in the facebook photo. But yes, she was wearing a bikini, simple black with the letters “coffee” or “barista” (I don’t exactly remember) written on the bottom piece. And yes, the window cuts off fairly low just around the thighs, for what I assume are obvious business reasons.

“Hello. What can I get for you?”

“I need three coffees, please. A cappuccino, a latte, and a drip coffee.”

Me being someone who always runs cool, I thought it must be terribly cold to work in a shack in Portland while wearing a bikini. I know I’d be cold. I resisted the temptation to ask whether she was cold, for again, what I hope are obvious reasons here. But it’s probably telling about me that at the forefront of my thoughts were “aren’t you cold wearing that in this weather?”.

As she prepared my coffees, I mentioned, “the yurt people say hello.”

“What?”

“The yurt people. They live nearby. They say that they come here all the time and they wanted me to tell you hello.”

She gave me a blank stare. “Oh. I don’t work here very much.”

I returned the blank stare. “Actually, I am pretty sure my friends have never been here but that they wanted me to tell a complete stranger that two other complete strangers say hello. They’re like that.”

She then disappeared behind the counter for a minute to get a cardboard cup holder for the coffees. She handed me my three coffees, I paid, and drove off.

When I got back to the yurt, Zach and Nicole were not trying to hard to hide their smirks. “So how was it?” asked Zach.

“I wasn’t expecting sexpresso for breakfast.”

They both started laughing and asked me about my experience. As I expected, neither of them had ever been to the place, so they had no idea. Some of their questions included:

• Was the barista cute? Yes
• Did you give her your number? No
• Would you give her your number? No
• How busy was the place? No one else was there
• Are you going to go back? Probably not

And so on. Thus started my day.

Of note: the coffee was pretty good.

Happy now, Zach?

A friend told me that very good water in east Portland has caused several distilleries to spring up in that area. I don’t know what good water means, but I’ll take it as an excuse to go whiskey tasting.

We chose to go to Westward Whiskey, where our host Nathaniel gave us a great show. He wore a light button down shirt with giraffes all over it. His scruffy dreads complemented his extremely jubilant affect, as he danced to the music playing in the distillery while describing to us the different spirits.

I opted for the four whiskey tasting, while Zach and Nicole split the spirit tasting and cocktail tasting. I got their classic American single malt whiskey, stout whiskey, rum barrel whiskey, and cask strength (120 proof) whiskey. They were all good.

For dinner we went to Enat Kitchen for Ethiopian food.

After getting back to the yurt, Nicole setup the convection oven that arrived yesterday. She made the first food ever to be cooked in the yurt: chocolate chip cookies. So much yurt progress!

Today I did all sorts of things Portland, one of them being visiting Voodoo Doughnut. They had all sorts of cake, unfilled raised, and filled raised donuts. The line was nearly out the door, so I had some time to make my selection: vicious hibiscus. It’s an unfilled raised donuts with a hibiscus glaze and chocolate sprinkles. The donut was great and not too greasy.

It’s clear that they take great pride in their work as donut slingers. They have two slogans. “The magic is in the hole”, describing how magically delicious the donuts are. The other, “good things come in pink boxes”, describes the colorful pink boxes that hold a dozen donuts. Here, of course, the donuts are the good things. What a fun, happy, family-friendly establishment. Don’t think too hard about it.

Just this afternoon we realized that it was Portland Pizza Week and we knew how we needed to spend the rest of the day. As Zach and Nicole worked on Yurt painting and construction, I reviewed all 45 pizza offerings and made a shortlist of the 10 best slices. We all agreed that 4 is the most we could eat as we embarked into the city.

First up was Straight from New York Pizza downtown, where we had the very garlicky Fearless Vampire Killer / Date Night Special. It was a great start to the evening.

Next was the Natural at HOTLIPS Pizza Civic, also downtown. The name is kind of a joke, as it includes Beyond Burger, a vegan “meat”. It will be remembered for its greasiness. I also wanted to get a pesto breadstick here, but I showed restraint, which I would later be thankful for.

For our third slice, we drove across town for the Elote Pie at Blackbird Pizza. Zach in particular was excited about this slice. It ended up being good, but not quite as good as we expected. It needed more roasted corn.

Lastly, already feeling full, we ended at Handsome Pizza for the Mac ‘n’ Cheese pizza. It’s basically pizza with mac and cheese on it. There was a line out the door that we waited in for about 20 minutes. Someone leaving told us that it was worth the wait. Luckily, we got there just in time, as there were only sixteen slices left for the night. As we were nearing the last of their pizzas, they were a big skimpy on the pasta, with maybe six elbows per slice. I honestly couldn’t tell you whether it was good because I was so stuffed at that point that I felt awful. I didn’t want to finish it but my honor dictated that I must. So I ate the whole thing and enjoyed it in some sense of the word enjoy that many may not understand.

One of my friends has a rule that you cannot mix two types of carbs on a food. This pizza flagrantly violates that rule and was proud of it.

Oh, did I say that we ended with this pizza? We did not. I still needed my ice cream for the night. Feeling a bit like a beached whale, I went to Salt and Straw for a scoop of rhubarb crumble with toasted anise in a homemade waffle cone. It was delicious and I ate it all. I have no ragrets.

No, these are not questions that I have been asked on my trip. These are questions I have asked Zach about Yurtlife, or rather, Vanlife, since he is not yet living in the Yurt. For everyone’s best interests, I will only be posting the questions and not the answers.

• So how do you shower?
• How often do you brush your teeth?
• How do you do laundry?
• Where do you get your drinking water?
• How does the lack of water and shower access impact your intimate moments?
• It’s cold. How do you stay warm at night?
• Where do you get food?
• What’s that smell?
• When is the last time you moved the van?

I love falling asleep next to a fireplace. I haven’t done that in years. Outside it’s pitch black, save the faint glow of Portland in the distance, gently creating a silhouette of pine trees. Inside there’s a warm nightlight.

I started my day in Yachats, and I learned very quickly that Oregon is a far different place from California, even Northern California.

As I checked out of my hotel in the morning, the receptionist mentioned that it was a sunny morning. It was not. There was 100% cloud cover, but it was bright and there was no rain. I’m a far way from SoCal.

For breakfast I went to The Green Salmon, a supremely organic café in the town. I got a breakfast sandwich and Yachatian Fog, their take on a London Fog, which was just what I needed.

For any coffee or tea drink, they had an option to add CBD oil, and there were even several drinks designed with CBD oil. They even had a coffee whole beans with CBD oil infusion for sale for home use. Since there was a snail on the packaging, I had to buy it.

More, they have a hot cocoa with a 14-mushroom mix ingredients. One of their lattes centers around reishi mushrooms. They sold dry mushroom snacks as a to go treat, too.

From there, I returned to the Cape Perpetua area too explore the beach when it wasn’t raining. I made it down to Thor’s Well. It’s basically a hole in rock surface on the beach that gets filled with water from the tide and occasionally gushes from a strong wave.

I walked around for a while before heading north to Tillamook, where I visited the Tillamook Creamery and Cheese Factory. It very much a tourist attraction on the coast. The place was packed. The cheese was good but not great. It’s a just-above-generic brand of cheese, so my expectations weren’t that high. It wasn’t bad at all—it’s just not a premium dairy brand is all.

It was cool to tour the factory and see how their cheeses are made. Lots of technology goes into it. And it seems that most of the milk is supplied by local family farms. Along the way they described the cows. The cows are certainly treated better than those in CAFOs (confined animal feeding operations, more commonly known as factory farms), and the displays emphasized their happiness and health.

It described the wonderful diet that they feed their baby cows and how they get their own private pen. It didn’t note that these cows are taken away from their mothers shortly after birth. It described the wonderful diet that the adult cows are fed of hay, corn (high in nutritional value), and food scraps (such as potato skins and corn cobs that would otherwise be trash). It didn’t note that cows should just eat grass, but grass is more expensive than corn and human food waste. But such is the industry.

Of course, I had to get ice cream there, but I also got a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch first.

Leaving the factory, I stopped by a gas station and was confused by the pump interface. An attendant came up to me and asked me what state I’m from. Apparently in Oregon there are no self-serve pumps. Fine by me.

On the road to Portland that cut from Tillamook on the coast, I saw many trucks pulled over by the side of the road, about one every few miles. The drivers were standing by themselves by the river, just staring. Maybe they were fishing, but I couldn’t tell. It was kind of strange. An unusual Sunday ritual, perhaps. Welcome to the Pacific Northwest.

I made it to Portland today. My old roommate and his girlfriend live in a yurt on the edge of the city. Kind of. They still live in his van until they complete construction of the yurt.

They have made a ton of progress since I was last here in the fall. It’s really cool. There’s a kitchen with a refrigerator, cabinets, and a sink, though the sink doesn’t work yet. The bathroom and lofted bedroom are half built. There’s a sweet Scandinavian wood furnace to keep the place warm at night. Electricity and lights are all set up.

There’s still no plumbing. I’ll be using the ports potty and not showering for a couple days. It will allow me to use all those odor-absorbing fancy clothes I got at REI a few weeks ago. There’s also no internet, so I’m writing this post on my phone.

As soon as I arrived, I found that they had set up an obstacle course for me. I had to wade through many large and small boxes to get from the entrance to the finished part of the Yurt. I made it through in record time.

For dinner, we went into Portland to the Sudra, a vegan Indian-food restaurant. I got a lentil bowl and it was quite good.

Special for my arrival, they just received a pull out sofa bed and bedding. As they’re still staying in the van, I will be the first person to sleep in the yurt! Tomorrow we will get their bed setup (it just arrived) so they can begin to sleep in the yurt too. If the bathroom flooring arrives, we can begin to work on that too.

Yes, I will go into Portland for ice cream and coffee and some touristy things, but I’ll also be spending some time here at the yurt. It’s very peaceful here and I can hear an orchestra of frogs outside.

I am also entering the final part of my trip, where I will be with close friends from now until I get on my plane back to Boston. I’m looking forward to spending time and catching up with them, as that, so far, has been the best parts of this trip.

It’s just after five and I’ve checked into my hotel at the Adobe Resort in Yachats. It looks like there’s plenty to do outside here, yet it is raining and just under 50ºF. Though they got some sun yesterday, it’s generally been raining non-stop here for the past two weeks—or so the two people at reception told me. There might be better weather tomorrow, so I plan to do a short morning hike before heading into Portland.

At some point I should probably find dinner. It looks like the nearby grocery store is open until 8 and there’s a restaurant in the hotel with pizza. I’m not sure what I am going to do yet. I’m feeling pretty lazy after a day of doing basically nothing but driving and snacking. Thankfully, my drive tomorrow is less than four hours.